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Personal Pan Performances

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With this project I am offering the fine art consumer what they have been clamoring for: Mid-level performance art that everyone can afford. At only $35 apiece they are a steal!

How does this work? With the advent of Skype and video teleconferencing capabilities I am able to offer these performances over an HD connection to anyone in the world. If you live in the Minneapolis/Saint Paul area then the work can be performed in person. If the particular piece requires interaction, then we can arrange for a proxy. If you purchase the piece you may not act as your own proxy. You may only fill the role of viewer.

Some of these projects are based on historically relevant work but adjusted for price point and contemporary relevance. Others are created solely by me for you, the art consumer. Browse the selection below and see what I have to offer. Who says only the wealthy can afford high end art? Check back regularly because new performances will be added on a monthly basis. Personal Pan Performances, the fast food of performance art™.

Performance Name

1. War Zones of Immaterial Pictorial Sensibility, After Yves Klein. Part 1: With the purchase of this piece I will pick out a space on Google maps that I will allocate for the purchaser. I will mail a signed certificate of authenticity to the buyer. Part 2: If the buyer chooses, he or she may post a video of themselves to Facebook, in which they will burn the certificate they were sent. They must tag me on the post. I will then log into World of Warcraft and drop loot that equals half of the dollar amount that the buyer initially paid. The rest of the money will be used for pizza and beer.

2. How to Explain Paypal to the Energizer Bunny, After Joseph Beuys. In this performance I will sit in a chair and explain Paypal to the Energizer Bunny. I will pour Sweet'N Low on my head and paste a credit card on my cheek. My foot will be weighed down with a plastic block.

3.Shot to the Arm and You're to Blame, After Chris Burden and Johnny Knoxville. I will be shot in the arm with a paintball gun.

4. 4'33" Adjusted for Decreased Attention Span (45"), After John Cage. I will perform John Cage's 4'33" shortened to one-sixth of its original length.

5. MS Paint Drawing Restraint, After Matthew Barney. I will wear five layers of clothing, a blanket, and gloves while drawing a portrait of Matthew Barney in MS Paint. I will email the finished piece to the buyer after its completion.

6. Five Minute Face Melt. A five minute electric guitar solo complete with pick harmonics, fret tapping, pentatonic scale runs, and hammer-ons. Key of A. A didactic will be attached to the guitar as will the number 1400, which is the ignition point of flesh.

7. Three Minute Death Riff. A three minute, riff-oriented, guitar exhibition presented in a death metal style. Key not applicable. A didactic will be attached to the guitar as will the element symbol for Plutonium.

8. She's Like the Wind. For this performance I will hold and pet my dog, Sumi for the duration of Patrick Swayze's song, She's Like the Wind.

9. Peanut Butter Jelly Time/ Don't Hate, Masticate. I will eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while I view a digital slide of the work, Double Mona Lisa, After Warhol, (Peanut Butter + Jelly) by Vic Muniz.

10. Golden Mean Clean. I will clean a 6" x 9.7" rectangular section of your car using a stencil. a lint free cloth, and Green Works cleaning solution. The area cleaned will be left to my discretion.